OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize