Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
