just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
