I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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