I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
