is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
