It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
