We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
