if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize