It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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