btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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