Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
