don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
