yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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