she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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