My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
