the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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