My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
