someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
