Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
