Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
