Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
