its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
