New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
