I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
