She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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