First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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