Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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