i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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