She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
