it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
