Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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