Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
