He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize