I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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