don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize