"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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