I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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