I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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