My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
