just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize