i would punch a child for taco bell
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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