dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
