I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize