I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
