you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
