just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
