Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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