She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
