i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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