I wish my penis had an off switch
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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