my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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