if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
