You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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