I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
