tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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