I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
