Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
honey bunches of taint.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
