Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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