We're facebook friends in real life
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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