You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
