just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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