He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
