I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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