We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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