my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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