i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
