nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
