Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
