He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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