Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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