I will die if light touches me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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