Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
