So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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